Posts Tagged ‘Marriage Help’

There Are Marriage Secrets All Couples Should Know About! This Is Where You Can Find Them..

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Are there loads of marriage secrets out there to be found and acted upon, so we can all have the perfect relationship? If so, and there is one ’secret’ which stands out above all the others, can someone please inform us what it is?

What a lot of couples strive for, once that ?honeymoon? period is over, is to find the secret, or secrets, that will help them to stay together – forever. The reality is this; there is only one marriage ?secret? – but more on that shortly!

However, there are some vital things that can make all the difference to helping you grow your lives together in (near) perfect harmony. All it takes is to be focused on the elements that matter most ? and they?re worth much more than money, or what money can buy!

Let’s look more closely at a few of the things that matter most:

Commitment. It?s vital that you always work on being committed to your relationship. It should be the most important priority you have. A relationship is something you have to work at and it needs consideration, coupled with effort, if it is to blossom and mature. Just as a beautiful flower needs care and attention to stop it from wilting and dying, so do we in our relationships!

Everyone is busy these days, but make time to spend quality time with each other, whenever you can. For example, if both of you go out to work, try booking special times in your schedule to do things with each other you both enjoy. Perhaps you could have a meal at home together where you can relax and enjoy each other’s company, or you could find a restaurant you both like and eat out.

If you can do that at least once a week you will both benefit from the chance to communicate and reinforce your commitment to each other. Remember that ?money? can?t buy commitment, but making some space for ?quality time? can go a long way to showing your spouse that you are committed to him, or her, which is a lot more valuable.

Also, remember to celebrate each other?s achievements too, and support each other, especially if one of you is having a tougher time than usual. Support of your partner in tough situations is vital, so try and be empathetic. Just being there when you’re needed will be so much appreciated by your partner – much more than you realize.

Another key ingredient is… romance. Romance is good for both of you, so keep it alive! All relationships generally start out by being ‘romantic’ in the early days but, as the time goes by, it’s possible to be distracted by the myriad of other things; work, children, paying bills, looking after the house to name just a few.

Don?t take each other for granted. Make your partner feel exclusive by doing something passionate, no matter how small. Perhaps you could, when you have the time, make your partner breakfast and serve it to them whilst they’re in bed. Alternatively, make a date for a special night out, or take a walk somewhere you both like, or organize a picnic. Something that keeps the spark of romance alight for you both.

And what about that marriage secret I mentioned at the beginning? just what is it? Well, it?s so simple; there is NO marriage secret, as such, but being committed to each other is as close as you can come to the secret.

But your marriage can last forever, if you just pay attention to being committed and keeping the romance alive by showing how much you care and love your partner! And that?s so much more valuable than all the money in the world isn?t it!

Remember the <a href="http://www.relationship-secrets.com” rel=”nofollow”>marriage secret to be most aware of is to be as committed to your partner as you can be. Romance is also so important; talking of which, this site is probably well worth a look => http://www.relationship-secrets.com … it has some fascinating ideas that you should find interesting and useful in your quest :-)
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Marriage Counseling Won’t Work – if Your Family Told You They Didn’t Like Your Spouse

Friday, November 20th, 2009

I have no idea how many age old dilemmas exist, but I’m sure there’s a mountain of them. One of those ugly dilemmas is when you are married to someone your family says they don’t like. Honestly, my heart goes out to you, because if you let it, you will be caught in a push-pull situation that never ends. You love your family and their opinion matters but they are critical of the person you married. The laws of loyalty, which are spiritual in nature, can guide you to do the right thing. Marriage counseling won’t work in this situation because the study of spiritual laws is not part of western psychological training. A marriage counselor will not ultimately rely on principles other than ones that make you think you feel better. It is not that they discount spiritual principles; they just don’t recognize them. Yet in situations like this, spiritual principles will give you all of the help you will ever need.

Loyalty Is The Highest Law

The first question that comes to mind is to whom you owe your highest loyalty. The simple answer is your spouse. The graciousness of your parents bringing you into this world and caring for you is a gift without comparison. But it is a gift that does not command an eternal debt. They knew what they were getting into (OK, maybe not completely) when they chose to have children and it includes letting go of you in stages as you become an adult. The final stage of letting go of their control over you happens when you get married. At that time you become the new foundation for future generations. Your loyalty is to your spouse first and secondly to your children.

Be a Peacemaker

Part of the obligation you have to your spouse is to be supportive at all times and in all situations. When you have any evil thought or utter an evil word about your spouse you are being disloyal. The very easy test that you could administer to yourself as to whether you are being disloyal or not is to simply ask yourself, “If my spouse heard what I am about to say would it hurt his/her feelings?” If there is any chance it would hurt their feelings, silence is the rule. I bring this point up because the chances of your family not liking your spouse due to their own interactions are slim, unless you provided further ammunition to them. So your mission is to heal the rifts that exist between your family and your spouse to the best of your ability.

Here are 4 things you can do that will help:

Although there are cases for which the above may not apply, in most cases that I have come across the above is right on. Don’t trade off your family for your pride. Be the best spouse who ever lived and tell your lover, “I love you.”

Paul Friedman’s entry into the business of helping couples mend their marriages began with a very rough personal experience with divorce. Paul came out of an early retirement to become a mediator. His belief was that couples could easily work out the details of separation and get on with their lives. He discovered the truth from his clients:they only sought divorce because the help they found to stay together didn’t work.
Read more relationship advice at Lessons For a Happy Marriage.com
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How To Save A Marriage — 5 Tips That Breathe New Life Into A Stale Marriage

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Is your married life getting a little flat and boring? Is the joy and spontaneity gone? Or have things gotten to the point where you and your spouse are going for each other’s throats more and more? Then it’s time that you grab hold of a few tips that have been designed specifically to help save a marriage, yours or anyone else’s. The first tip is to decide what you want out of the marriage. That means you need to set goals — realistic goals. They need to be reachable. Any goal that you set up that is not reachable is a catastrophe waiting to happen and will only result in frustration. You also have to make sure that your goals can be measured so that you can actually see whether or not you’re making any headway. And your goals need to be reasonable. Having a joint bank account containing three million dollars within six months would not be a sensible goal for most people. Although the amount might be sensible in some cases, I don’t think the six month time frame would be.The second tip is to realize that you and your spouse are not always going to agree on everything. You’re two different people with different ideas and different expectations. This being so, you’re going to have to learn the art of compromise. Yes, it can be learned. It might not be easy but it can be done. The idea that the two of you are going to have differing ideas on a lot of things is a fact of life. It’s normal. Get over it!Which brings us to the third tip — learn to communicate! This is not an option. A marriage without communication is doomed to failure. How can you let your spouse know your ambitions and your dreams if you can’t communicate these things? How can you begin to cooperate if you can’t communicate these things?Learn to keep work at work. Don’t bring your job home with you. That’s the fourth tip. Don’t make your family the scapegoat for your frustrations at work. They don’t deserve to be mistreated or disrespected for situations they had nothing to do with. Instead of coming home all stressed out or full of anger, take some time on the way home to calm yourself down and put a smile on your face. There is no job in the world worth losing your family over.And last but probably the most important, lighten up! Stop taking yourself so seriously. We have lost the ability to laugh at ourselves. If we can find this quality again it will do wonders for our ability to unwind and be able to draw closer to the ones we love.Are these five tips able to save a marriage? In all likelihood, not by themselves, but they are a great place to start. As you practice the tips found above you will become more at ease with yourself and with your spouse. This alone will open the door for a more satisfying relationship.copyright 2009 HowToRestoreMyMarriage.com

Is your marriage in trouble? Do you need to know what you can do to save it? There is a a new, free membership site at http://HowToRestoreMyMarriage.com that can help.
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How to Effectively Save Your Marriage

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

If your relationship is on the rocks and you are afraid divorce is inevitable, think again. You may, with the right skills and enough effort, be able to save your marriage. However, it is not an easy process and both partners have to be willing to put in the work. You cannot fix a relationship by assuming the answer is your partner giving in. Here are a few tips on how to rescue you and your love from a bad situation.
You are an equal partner. Understand that the key to saving your marriage is not getting everything you demand or giving into whatever your partner once. These kinds of solutions are short term band-aids that only allow the situation to get worse. You both have to have an equal part in the relationship, though equality does not mean that you have exactly the same roles.
Remember that everything can be fixed. There is no problem that is impossible to repair if you and your partner are willing to work on it. It does not matter if you are feeling incompatible in the bedroom, dealing with an affair, or having money problems. Learning to communicate and being patient will help both of you come to terms with whatever has happened or is happening.
That does not mean that all sins have to be immediately forgiven, but you do have to be willing to work on the situation. Learn not to accuse or judge, even when you are angry or you feel your partner is in the wrong. With enough work from both sides, your relationship can be salvaged.
Communication is important! Your partner is not a mind reader and may not know why you are feeling agitated or unhappy. However, in order to effectively communicate the problem, you also have to know what it is. It is vital that both partners in a relationship learn to examine their own thoughts, emotions, and assumptions to come to a balanced solution. You cannot save your marriage if you do not know what is wrong.
Think hard about what the problems are and where they are really coming from. It is easy to blame your troubles on something obvious, but that is not always the real root of the trouble. Once you know what is happening in your mind and why you react the way you do, you and your partner can get to work on solving your problems.
You are going to have to give a few things up to save your marriage. If you and your partner spend a lot of time arguing, one of the things that is going to have to go is trying to win an argument. Really, there is no winner in a fight because every fight that is not resolved results in a deeper divide between you. As a couple, you will need to learn to address these situations as a challenge to solve, not a battle to win.
Remember, a marriage is a partnership. You have to work with your spouse to develop a relationship that functions and is healthy and positive for both persons. Do not be afraid to talk to a professional if you feel the need to. Marriage counselors and others are trained in teaching people how to talk to each other and work out their differences. If you are willing to put forth the effort, you can certainly save your marriage.

Alan Largo is the creator and administrator of Save Any Marriage and strives to assist others identify with their adverse marital situation through informative reviews. You’re invited to visit Save Any Marriage to read his most recent article review.
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Marriage Advice for Wives – Sometimes You May Need to Bite Your Tongue to Save Your Marriage

Sunday, November 15th, 2009

As wives we sometimes allow our tongues to destroy our marriages. We say things that come to our mouths and could not care less if our husbands are offended. However, what many wives fail to realize is that words can sometimes cut deeper and hurt more severely than any weapon that causes a physical wound.

Maybe your tongue is destroying your marriage and you are not even aware of it. You blame everything and everyone else while you need to pay attention to what you say and how you say it. The remainder of this article will look at two ways your tongue can destroy your marriage and how to use it to save your marriage.

Using Your Tongue as a Weapon Compared to most men, women seem to have the gift of converting words to weapons. We know exactly what to say to pierce our husbands and cause them to feel hurt or guilty about something they did or said. However, in the same way that a weapon can kill, your words can also kill your marriage. 

Proverbs chapter twenty one and verse nineteen tells us that, “better to live in a dessert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife”. I think this passage is so true for many husbands. They would prefer to be uncomfortable somewhere else than to be around you.

Take some time to analyze your marriage to ensure that this is not happening in your marriage.

Using Your Tongue to Push Away Your Husband Many husbands become unresponsive and uncommunicative because they are afraid of what will come out of their spouse’s mouth if they are to have a conversation with them. 

So instead of talking to them about issues that concern them, they find other women. 

Sadly but true these relationships can lead to emotional affairs which in many cases also lead to physical affairs. 

Another way of pushing away your husband is by nagging him. Some wives have mastered the art of nagging in order to get their own way. But although they get their own way today, this is causing resentment on their husbands’ part and eventually this can lead to a lack of love, affection and intimacy. 

Using Your Tongue to Heal Your Marriage In order to heal your marriage you may need to bite your tongue at times. Biting your tongue means to take control of it, being careful of what you say. However, for some wives who have no self control, you may need to literally bite it in order to stop you from talking without thinking. 

Let us now look at some positive ways to use your tongue to heal your marriage, especially if you have been using it as a weapon or to push away your husband.

Conclusion Never underestimate the power of your tongue and ensure that your husband sees it as a loving tool and not a destructive weapon. Watching what you say is one of the fastest ways to save your marriage and encourage your husband to be more communicative and loving.

Do you want to learn more about being a great wife?

If your answer is yes you can visit Mark and Lesia at: http://www.marriagethermometer.com 

When you go there, do not forget to get your FREE copies of our Marriage Thermometer Ebook and Video Book. 

Life is too short to spend it wishing you had a happy and steaming hot marriage when you can do something about it.

Mark and Lesia Gregory are Marriage Counselors & Wedding Planners with over 10 years of experience. What started as a passion to make a difference in people’s lives and marriages quickly took a turn to become a professional marriage counseling team.
They are the authors and fouders of the Marriage Thermometer Principles, a marriage therapy solution which begins with couples using their uniquely engineered Marriage Thermometer Software to determine the temperature of their marriage. Couples can then proceed to using the Marriage Thermometer eBooks, Audio, Econsultations and other Resources that relate to infidelity, improving your sex life, respect, communication, unhappy marriages and much more.
They are also dedicated Christians for over 26 years combined and attend the Kingston Church of Christ where they met each other, fell in love and got married.
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How To Save Your Marriage and Break The Negative Cycles of Divorce

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

A Problem With My Fence

It was time. We had moved into our house seventeen years before. Then, everything was new… including the fence I was about to repair.

A neighbor had stopped by that morning and was concerned that one of our two dogs was able to push a fence board aside and stick her head out. The neighbor was concerned our small Boston Terrier, Maggie, would get out of the yard and get hit by a car on our busy street.

I inspected the part of the fence that Maggie was putting her head through. It was in a corner of the yard where two sections of fence were joined together by a 4×4 post. What was a brand new fence when we moved in was sadly in need of repair.

I hadn’t noticed… over the years water had been draining into that corner of the yard and was sitting inside the post and slowly rotting it. Adding to the problem was an infestation of worms and insects. They had been feasting on the cellulose fibers of the wood for almost two decades and now I could literally break off large chunks of the post with my bear hands. The support structure of the fence was only a artificial shell of “strength.” With little effort, Maggie was able to push the fence boards aside with her head. She just didn’t know she could have jumped through.

A Problem With Marriage

As I began taking the fence apart I began to reflect on our experience with Marriage Encounter. For more than ten years my wife, Deborah, and I had been clergy presenters. We had met close to 250 couples at different stage of marital health. Some had come to the weekend to make a good marriage better. For others it was their last chance effort to save their marriage before divorce court.

Why were some marriages solid and others, in just a few years time, ready to be dismantled and hauled away like my rotten fence. I took several pieces of the old fence post and compared them with a new fence post I had purchased. “Well, it had a good a seventeen year run anchoring these two sections of fence,” I reasoned. But, looking down the fence line I saw other 4×4 posts that were just as old and still strong. Luck of the draw? Defective post? As I ticked through the reasons why this particular post had fallen prey to the water, worms, and insects, it became apparent. It wasn’t the post’s fault, defect, or placement in the yard that brought failure. It was my negligence in not making sure that area of the yard had proper drainage. As it sat in water, the forces of nature slowly over seventeen years had eaten away it’s strength bit by bit until it was too weak to do it’s job. Now it was too late.

Save Your Marriage and Break The Negative Cycles Of Divorce

Marriages are much the same. The strength is kept by paying attention to the small details. The marriages we encountered that were close to divorce had fissures of neglect deeply etched through the years. The negative cycles of divorce had been reinforced year after year until there was not much left to hold the marriage together.

Is your marriage in trouble? What negative cycles are present and are they being reinforced? People are also very different from fences. People have been given the gift to heal. I personally believe that once the negative cycles of divorce are broken, healing can begin. Almost every couple close to divorce attending our Marriage Encounter weekends left with a newfound determination to save their marriage by being attentive to the small details. No, it’s not easy, but its definitely worth it.

Pastor Wink Farrand has been a spiritual leader for over 35 years. He and his wife Deborah have been Marriage Encounter presenters for more than 10 years. He regularly writes a blog for saving marriages and breaking the negative cycles of divorce. He includes several different courses couples can use as a resource to fast track their marriages away from divorce and into health. Save Your Marriage Now is his blog where he publishes new content three times a week.
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Making Your Marriage Work

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

I have been with my beautiful wife for nearly 9 years now, and many people keep asking us, “Guys after that length of time together, how are you still so happy? How comes you seem so connected and strong together? What’s your secret?  We never see you argue or anything”.

My answer is always the same. Of course we argue. Of course we have our problems. Every marriage or relationship has its ups and downs.

There are certain things you can do as a couple however to ensure that you make your marriage work.

To make a marriage work, one of the most important keys is to communicate with each other.

If you do not talk, and work through problems together, then at some point you are going to run into trouble.

Most marriages tend to have the same kind of issues. Be it money, work, problems with the children, having enough time to relax together etc.

The difference is, the people that make their marriage work are the couples that communicate properly.

That means being able to discuss your problems and feelings, and to be able to listen to and empathise with your partner.

I really do believe that once a couple really learns how to openly talk and discuss relationship issues, whatever they are, that’s when the marriage immediately becomes stronger.

Too many times marriages breakdown when they could have been saved easily by just being open with each other.

Finally when it comes to communication, and conveying your feelings to your partner, makes sure that you often, everyday if you want to, tell them that you love them.

We are all blessed to be in a marriage. An agreement to spend, and share the rest of our lives together.

It only takes a second or two to say something like “I love you.”, or “I’m feeling stressed right now”, or  even “I really need to spend an hour alone because I have had a bad day.”

But truly it can make all the difference in making your marriage work.

If you are having deeper problems within your relationship, you really should look around at some of the resources available to help you.

Do not leave it till it’s too late.

Click here to read more!

Laurence Henry is a husband and father.

With a passion for helping keep families together he runs a website aimed at fathers, and tries to help them with some issues they may face.

You can find it at www.worldofdad.com
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Finding The Root Cause Of Your Relationship Problems

Monday, November 9th, 2009

All relationships run into problems from time to time. You could fill an entire book if you tried to list every possible problem. As soon as you finished someone would come up with more problems to add.

There are as many relationship problems as there are relationships. We’re all unique and what one person would view as a problem, someone else might find helpful. It will come as no surprise then, that there isn’t one root cause for all marriage problems.

Since you’re unique, any problems you are experiencing may have a unique root cause or causes. It can be difficult to discover the root causes but it is possible with determination and teamwork. The first step is to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation.

The goal of this first conversation is to bring up your concerns and to narrow down the possible areas that may be at the root of your relationship problems. Surprisingly, it is not uncommon for one partner to be completely unaware that the other partner feels that there is a problem.

Most marriage counselors agree that the three biggest root causes of marital problems are money, sex and children. If you and your spouse can come to an understanding on these three issues then you’ve gone a long way toward a successful marriage.

Any of the “big 3″ issues can destroy a marriage if the two of you can’t come reach an agreement on them. Lets assume that you and your spouse have resolved any issues surrounding the three most common problem areas. We now need to look at a couple of the less common root causes.

Trust, or more specifically, the lack of trust is often a problem. This issue is more common in newer marriages. But suspicions can work their way into any marriage. It is time to sit down and have a talk about trust if you feel that your partner isn’t being completely honest. Be prepared to discuss specific events that have made you question your trust.

Being trustworthy requires a commitment on both parties to always be fair, truthful, and consistent and do what you say you will do. It also means being sensitive, respectful and acting as a good listener.

Compatibility may be at the root of your relationship problems. Compatibility issues don’t usually show up for years. As life marches on, we all change. Early in your relationship you may have had many common interests. Perhaps you were both into dancing, skiing or NASCAR. Now you find that your interests have drifted apart.

There are many more possible root causes for marital problems. Finding the root cause is a very important step in the process. But it is only the first step. Once you have found the root problem it is time to begin working on the solution.

There are many avenues open to you in your quest to repair your marriage. Marriage counseling is a good choice if you and your spouse can’t find the root cause. There is also a lot of great marriage advice available in book and in online products.

Do you feel like your marriage is missing something? If so, it may be time to get some help. Jake Jafims is a relationship expert based in Cleveland, Ohio. His website is dedicated to bringing together the best online marriage help products. To learn more visit ->
GetMarriageHelpNow.com
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Saving Your Marriage With Effective Communication

Monday, November 9th, 2009

There comes a time in every marriage where one or both spouses want to give up and walk away. This is critically the time when no one should ever give up! The only way a marriage can be saved is if both partners are interested in saving it.
We all know that when two people are simply incompatible, the marriage will not work no matter how hard the couple tries to keep it going. Tending to a marriage can be a tough job but if the marriage is not nurtured, it will die out just as if it were a neglected plant.
First of all, communication is the key to any relationship whether bound legally in marriage or just teenage puppy love. No relationship will work if nobody expresses how they feel. However, points of no communication do occasionally tend to happen at certain points in the marriage.
There are times when one spouse or even both feel that they cannot say something to the other because it may hurt them, or it may cause an unwanted argument neither one wants to engage in.
Therefore, if you feel that your marriage is going down the drain, it is time to sit down now with your spouse and discuss what the problem is and why the two of you should stay together.
There are certain things that can happen in a marriage that can tear a couple apart. Anything to break the trust of the other person is a dead giveaway that the marriage is in trouble.
Cheating is one of the main causes of divorce. However, some couples can still keep it together through a cheating spouse.
Even though the marriage stays together, it does not mean that the trust still exists or even that the relationship is strong. If a couple is going to stay together through one cheating spouse, there needs to be major forgiveness. This not just for the cheating spouse, but for the other partner as well!
Another way to make sure you save your marriage is to take responsibility for anything that you have or may have done. Hostility can be a really big problem if there is no communication.
Remember, you need to accept responsibility if you have been hostile to your spouse. Continued hostility can really damage a couples marriage whether they realize it or not.
Put away those sharp words and attitudes. Be nice and polite. However, if you cannot say anything nice about your spouse, there is something seriously wrong in your relationship.
After doing everything you can to possibly save your marriage and you still having problems with your spouse, it may be time to see a marriage counselor. All marriages are not guaranteed to be saved though.
If you happen to be in an abusive relationship; whether verbally, mentally or physically, it could very well be time for a divorce.
However, some people do not realize they are being verbally or mentally abusive to their partner. This is where communication really comes into play.
You need to divulge honestly to your spouse how their harsh words make you feel. But, if you are afraid of your spouse then it is time to get out of the relationship right away and move on.

Alan Largo is the creator and administrator of Save Any Marriage and strives to assist others identify with their adverse marital situation through informative reviews. You’re invited to visit Save Any Marriage to read his most recent article review.
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