Posts Tagged ‘marital problems’

Marital Problems That Erode the Foundations of a Marriage

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

Marital problems are one reason why many marriages falter. These problems begin to erode the foundations of a marriage. Our lifestyles is part of the reason why most couples have trouble making their marriages work. The distance that creeps into a marriage is yet another reason for marriages become broken.

With so many reasons for marital problems being seen, it is a miracle that people still get married. The faith in a marriage is one reason why there is hope left to resolve these marital problems. You will also find many people who can help you through the difficult times that these problems bring.

One fact that sometimes gets forgotten in marital problems is that it is not only the couple who suffer from the problems. The other members in the entire family are affected by the problem. This fact becomes even worse if there are children. In this case the problems need to be solved in an amicable manner.

The children should not become victims of the marital problems. Instead you should find ways of dealing with these problems while keeping the children safe and happy. It should be realized that sometimes the various problems in the marriage have made the idea of living together an impossibility.

If this is the case divorce is the only solution. Getting help from trained professionals can help you see the best way to end the marriage without giving yourself and others lots of pain. While the end of a marriage can be in itself very painful there is no need to prolong the agony by dragging at all of the marital problems.

To help couples solve these many marital problems your counselor should have some interesting alternatives to look into. One such idea that you can try out is that of going to spend some time at a marriage retreat. These are located at various scenic locations in the country. As they are away from the hustle and bustle of city life you can find ways of resolving your marital problems without any distractions.

To solve any serious marital problems that you have it is important that you talk about these matters in the presence of a third party. This party will be able to give you some advice. You can use the advice or if you feel that you can’t live together see about getting a divorce.

Marital problems are an intrinsic part of married life. How you deal with these problems reflect the attitude you have towards your marriage. Unrealistic ideas will only help to disintegrate your marriage. This means that if you want a happy married life you should expect to see some marital problems crop up which you will have the ability to resolve quickly.

Muna wa Wanjiru is a web administrator and has been researching and reporting on internet marketing for years. For more information on Marital problems, visit his site at MARITAL PROBLEMS
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Stop Divorce and Save Your Marriage

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Just talking about a divorce not necessarily mean that your marriage is over. It is very possible that you have the choice to save your marriage. Five tips follow to help you move your marriage in a better direction, and get it back on track to being satisfying to both of you. Don’t try to alter how your spouse feels about the divorce. Recall and focus on what made you fall in love, and try to help your spouse see what they love about you. Sometimes, people “fall out of love” and seek a divorce, but they just need to me reminded of why they fell in love in the first place.
You should be in touch with your spouse’s needs to improve the relationship. There is obviously something missing in the marriage for one of you to want a divorce. Without knowing what made your spouse fall out of love with you, you can never win them back. If you determine what your spouse desires from you, you can start meeting these desires and begin to save your marriage. You need to save your marriage.
You should not become defensive or accuse your spouse of something if they are being critical about portions of your relationship. They are complaining because they feel unheard. Focus on the feedback so that you can learn from it.
Focus on changing yourself to save your marriage. View all comments and criticisms constructively to make the necessary adjustments.
One thing that is worse than you becoming defensive is if you refuse to acknowledge the feelings your spouse may have. Making remarks like “That doesn’t make sense” or “you’re bringing that up again?” are never helpful. accomplishes nothing except showing your spouse you don’t care about how they feel. Even if the complaints seem trivial to you, you should never consider your spouse’s actions or statements about them to be trivial, as such complaints often lead to divorce, which is never trivial.
To help defuse conflict, try to send “I” messages, as opposed to “you” messages, such as “I feel unappreciated”, as opposed to “you make me feel unappreciated”. These statements shouldn’t be used to place blame or make accusations, and they also should avoid being cruel. Experts advice to express your feelings to your partner. To let them know who you are and how you feel about the situation. Using this method will help you in pushing back any feelings of over powerfulness.
If you would like to learn more, here is my recommendation: How to Save Your Marriage

Jerry Jones is an expert author in the fields of realtionships and conflicts and has over 1,000,000 published article views.
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Marriage Help: Avoid these relationship traps and build a stronger union

Monday, December 21st, 2009

I’m often asked, “What is one of the most challenging issues couples face today?”

While every couple is different, there are themes that I see in my work as a couples counselor and relationship coach. One common issue is the difficulty couples have in prioritizing their relationship—a form of relationship neglect.

Relationship problems stemming from relationship neglect

Have you ever thought of yourself as neglectful? Probably not. When people think of neglect, it usually has to do with issues regarding children and parenting. But the fact is that many couples ignore their marriage or relationship to such a degree that marital and relationship problems often result—isn’t it neglectful to ignore something so much that it becomes damaged or unhealthy?

As long as you and your partner continue to neglect the relationship, you increase the chances of marital problems or relationship problems.

Why is relationship neglect so widespread?

1. Lack of awareness

One reason is that couples simply don’t realize that attention must be given their relationship in order to keep it healthy. The “if it isn’t broken don’t fix it” mindset keeps couples blind to the fact that relationships require ongoing maintenance, before problems surface. Try to develop a preventive medicine mindset to keep your marriage or relationship running as smoothly as possible.

Now that you’ve read this section, you’ve raised your awareness enough to stop relationship neglect!

2. Lack of adequate attention

“But we had ‘date night’ last month and still nothing has improved…”

You and your spouse/partner probably spend a great deal of time together. What percentage of that time would you say is dedicated to nurturing intimacy and the relationship? Two hours of ‘date night’ each month probably won’t cut it. It wasn’t enough for the couple quoted above. While it’s a great idea to create specific times designated to focusing on each other, don’t short-change yourself and the relationship in the time department.

You’re in good company if you are too strapped for time. If so, rather than plan for large chucks of time, try shorter but more frequent meetings where the two of you can connect.

3. Lack of follow through

Emotional pain pulls for your attention and some sort of action. When you or your spouse/partner are in distress (due to a lack of intimacy, frequent conflicts, or unhappiness with the relationship) you may find that you’re ready to give your relationship some attention. This might involve efforts to improve communication, creating opportunities to have more fun together, or even making an appointment with a marriage therapist or couples counselor.

Too frequently, couples take these initial steps, feel a little better but then fall back to their neglectful patterns. And when this happens, it’s easy for you to conclude: “I tried, but things between us are just hopeless.” Improving and sustaining the health of your marriage or relationship takes consistent and sustained follow through—not a one-time barrage of good will and attention.

Becoming good at something takes both time and effort: Great athletes, musicians and artists practice—a lot. When they stop, their performance suffers. Why should your relationship be any different? Couples who have successful marriages or relationships work at it.

Are you ready to create a plan to prevent relationship neglect so that you can experience the gifts of love, intimacy and a fulfilling union?

Let Dr. Nicastro’s fifteen years of experience as a psychologist work for you. visit www.StrengthenYourRelationship.com and sign up for his free monthly newsletter.

As a bonus you will receive the popular reports: “The four mindsets that can topple your relationship” and “Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you.”

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience helping couples build more fulfilling relationships.
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Save Your Marriage by Going To The Root of the Problem

Saturday, December 5th, 2009

There is so much written about “how to save a marriage” it can seem a bit overwhelming at times. The truth is no one can really save your marriage but you. Marriage gurus can throw out the breadcrumbs, but in the end it is all about you and your willingness to do what really needs to be done to save your marriage.

Your marriage belongs to God. And when you truly believe this that is when you can actually give yourself (marriage) to God. If you don’t believe that your marriage belongs to God then you are reading the wrong article.

What happens when you hand your marriage over to God? God helps you to look beyond the petty quarrelling, faults and weaknesses of each other. Why focus on the negative? When you stop focusing on the negative aspects of your spouse you will be better able to seek a solution, not based on negative feelings, but on the principled acts of love. As long as you base your marriage on “how your spouse makes you feel” nothing will ever improve.

Marriage gurus can attempt to tell you what needs to be done to improve your marriage but they can’t go to God for you. They can’t make your heart willing to see what needs to be done so you can make the necessary changes in yourself. If you believe that marriage belongs to God then you have to give your marriage to God. Why do you keep giving it to the world? Does your marriage belong to God or to the world? You decide.

Are you carrying around a not so humble heart toward your spouse? What is that going to do for you? Absolutely nothing. I believe that once you can take your eyes off of your spouse’s faults you’ll be able to see your faults much more clearly.  The problem is not that your spouse cheated, or that they are controlling, or wrapped up within an addiction, or that they are cruel and treat you bad. The problem is in how you allow these things to affect you and how you react because of them.

The root of the problems in marriage stem from the inability to properly resolve issues and the lack of understanding the importance of priorities. The major setback for couples is they are not using the principles for marriage that have been taught to them. Couples aren’t resolving issues and when they do they go by their own understanding of what they think should be done. But it is not what should be done based on the Creator of marriage.

Principle 2. Be a giver. Give in. Be encouraging. Show compassion. Be submissive. Be forgiving. Ask Christ for the guidance you need. When we don’t allow these principles to take precedent in our lives we are handling our marriage just like everyone else…without God. If you believe you are a child of God then show it in your marriage. Christian love is not a feeling but a choice. Have you made your choice?

Principle 3. Be respectful of Spouse.  Be considerate of your spouse’s feelings. Show reverence and high opinion for the person you married.  Be appreciative of what you have been blessed with. I’ve noticed lately that people treat their animals better than their spouse. This is very wrong! Let go of anger and bitterness or it will make you sick, literally. What is controlling your heart in your marriage? If your heart only cares about getting your needs met through your spouse then your marriage is in dire trouble.

THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM IS…

Principle 1. God should guide your marriage. Placing God where God belongs, at the top of your priority list is what your marriage needs! Humble your heart and mind to God and you will see more clearly to what your position is in the marriage. You are not God and your spouse is not God, and trying to control each other as if you were God will never work! That’s not the way God designed marriage to be.

Putting God first means everything you say and do comes from the principles taught you for living a righteous life. Now you will have something beautiful and awesome to base your marriage on.  If your marriage belongs to God then the top of your priority list is putting God first, spouse second, children third, and ministry and self last.

And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35

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How To Save A Marriage — 5 Tips That Breathe New Life Into A Stale Marriage

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Is your married life getting a little flat and boring? Is the joy and spontaneity gone? Or have things gotten to the point where you and your spouse are going for each other’s throats more and more? Then it’s time that you grab hold of a few tips that have been designed specifically to help save a marriage, yours or anyone else’s. The first tip is to decide what you want out of the marriage. That means you need to set goals — realistic goals. They need to be reachable. Any goal that you set up that is not reachable is a catastrophe waiting to happen and will only result in frustration. You also have to make sure that your goals can be measured so that you can actually see whether or not you’re making any headway. And your goals need to be reasonable. Having a joint bank account containing three million dollars within six months would not be a sensible goal for most people. Although the amount might be sensible in some cases, I don’t think the six month time frame would be.The second tip is to realize that you and your spouse are not always going to agree on everything. You’re two different people with different ideas and different expectations. This being so, you’re going to have to learn the art of compromise. Yes, it can be learned. It might not be easy but it can be done. The idea that the two of you are going to have differing ideas on a lot of things is a fact of life. It’s normal. Get over it!Which brings us to the third tip — learn to communicate! This is not an option. A marriage without communication is doomed to failure. How can you let your spouse know your ambitions and your dreams if you can’t communicate these things? How can you begin to cooperate if you can’t communicate these things?Learn to keep work at work. Don’t bring your job home with you. That’s the fourth tip. Don’t make your family the scapegoat for your frustrations at work. They don’t deserve to be mistreated or disrespected for situations they had nothing to do with. Instead of coming home all stressed out or full of anger, take some time on the way home to calm yourself down and put a smile on your face. There is no job in the world worth losing your family over.And last but probably the most important, lighten up! Stop taking yourself so seriously. We have lost the ability to laugh at ourselves. If we can find this quality again it will do wonders for our ability to unwind and be able to draw closer to the ones we love.Are these five tips able to save a marriage? In all likelihood, not by themselves, but they are a great place to start. As you practice the tips found above you will become more at ease with yourself and with your spouse. This alone will open the door for a more satisfying relationship.copyright 2009 HowToRestoreMyMarriage.com

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Tips to Save a Marriage – Actions Speak Louder than Words

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

Of all the tips to save a marriage perhaps the most important is what you actually DO that will bring stability and love back into your marriage and rescue it from the clutches of a messy divorce. In this regard the old saying “Actions speak louder than words” is very true.

This is usually because if you are at the stage where divorce was imminent or at least a distinct possibility then by this stage talk is considered cheap. Here is a list you may have heard that does not work at this stage:

“I will change I swear I will!” “I will sort that thing out, I give you my word.” “That does not matter because …”

You may see that this all relies on your spouse’s assessment of your character which in times of troubled marriages may seem quite low especially if you have said any of these things before and it has not sorted the problems you both have in your marriage.

Not that you cannot say you will do these things but do not expect anything to change until you DO, do them, but here is how you must go about it. Do not make a big issue of whatever you are doing! If you hop up and down and make a big song and dance about one thing you promised to change it will seem fake, it may be seen as insulting even and to a dissatisfied spouse it may seem like you have just done this once to get on their good side and may see it as manipulative.

The best way once you find out what you need to do to win them back is to take action where action is needed, make sure they know about it of course and most of the time just doing what you said will be noticed but do not even mention it except in passing because if you really want to save your marriage then your ultimate goal and ultimate reward is to stop a divorce. You should not need a reward every time you take an important action, only look for the end game and you will be rewarded with a better marriage in the end a better understanding on how to be a good husband or wife because actions speak louder than words and adding words to actions just sullies them.

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save marriage

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

www.pleasesavemymarriage.com You can save your marriage. It will take some effort on your part but your marriage is worth it. Get the marriage saving tips and strategies from proven experts in the relationship building and marital counseling.

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