Posts Tagged ‘Christian Marriage’

Marriage Counseling – not Easy, But Sometimes Necessary

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

Though this is an uncomfortable, and potentially embarrassing, subject for many, the idea of marriage counseling should not be discarded just because it does not seem easy. It is not meant to be easy; it is meant to help you through difficult times. And, yes, I do admit that it is not a simple matter to talk about. Many will refuse to even try, simply because they believe it to be a source of embarrassment and an admission of failure. To them, I must plainly say: get over it.
That sounds harsh, I know, but this is a case where harsh words may be needed. Refusing to discuss marriage counseling simply because it has the potential to be awkward (well, more than the potential; this is pretty much guaranteed to be awkward) is a foolish way to think. If you are struggling with your marriage and neither you nor your spouse knows what to do, marriage counseling can be a great help. You should never have to simply suffer through a marriage or take the easy route to divorce and there are few problems that cannot be resolved with time and help. Giving up just because it seems easier is a waste; but just going through the motions of marriage and refusing to get help is even worse.
Marriage counseling requires commitment, not just to your spouse but to the healing process. No matter what you learn through marriage counseling, you still have to first be willing to go through with it. This is not a matter of one session will solve everything: it takes time, effort and determination. Some may find this too hard, too daunting, to even think about. They believe that simply giving up would be the best (i.e. easier) road to take. And, yes, it probably would be. It is a much simpler matter to throw everything away rather than examining what caused the problems in the first place. But, to those people, I can only stress that easier does not equal best in this situation.
Refusing to even try marriage counseling is the proverbial slap in the face to what you once had. Yes, I do realize that some problems are not fixable or, at least, not ones you would want to fix. There are some things that can break a marriage. But there are many problems, little things, that build over time. These may equal nothing by themselves but, together, become exaggerated and seemingly impossible. It is those problems that marriage counseling can help solve. You can go through a process that will sort out what is really wrong. Rather than just pushing everything to the back of your mind, you can face it, dissect it and eventually understand how to deal with it.
Why so many people believe that marriage counseling is difficult is easy to understand: it is difficult. This is not supposed to be easy; this is real life and, more importantly, the real effort of trying to fix your own marriage. Who would ever think that would be easy? But it is necessary and you should never just give up when you have this option left.
Please visit my website www.maryshawe.com to browse the resources I have gathered here for you and learn how they hold the secrets to turn your life around.If you’re particularly interested in marriage advice and counseling, then please click here to read more about “Secrets of Successful Marriage

Mary Shawe is the author of several books on marriage and relationships. Please visit her website to learn more.
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Does Marriage Counseling Work?

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

Often, there are many crucial questions that are being asked about marriage counseling, like this particular question “does marriage counseling work?” Lot of people try and approach marriage counselors, when they perceive that there is a real problem in their marriage. Couples who are undergoing and experiencing marital upheavals and problems need an immediate solution to their problem. It is estimated that as high as 20% of couples in the North American continent face severe marital discord and relationship problems. It is also estimated that hundreds of couples look for marriage counseling as an escape route to solve their problems. Does marriage counseling work in the real sense? Yes! To some extent it is providing good results!

Before you ask a dicey question like “Does marriage counseling work?” you shouldn’t wait too long to seek professional assistance. Here is an article that attempts to answer your questions regarding marriage counseling and its feasibility. It also provides you some useful insight on how marriage counseling work and how a counselor is chosen based on the past track record.

Does marriage counseling work? Yes, only when you choose a good marriage counselor, who has a great past record of mending troubled relationship. However, good counseling can be created with an active participation from both you and the counselors. Before trying to contact a marriage counselor, try to answer these questions:

Tip: Be honest how you answer these questions, as they can influence the outcome of marriage counseling.

• When did you marry? Was it an early age? What was the age of your spouse when married?

• What is the level of education that you and your spouse possess? Graduate or School level?

• What is your income level? Are you from a high income bracket?

• What is your working experience? Have you worked for a long time? Are you a jobless person? If yes, how long?

• Did you marry your spouse in an inter-faith marriage?

• When was the first discord detected? Was it really bad?

• Did your parents divorce and did you have a bad childhood, as a result of this incident?

• Do you criticize one another on a consistent basis? Do you quarrel with each other? Is it really serious?

• Are you withdrawn with your spouse? If yes, since how many days?

• Do you hate each other? Or is it just a contempt?

• How do you treat your children? Do you both mingle with your children?

• Do you still live together? Or have you rented out separate houses?

Once you answer all these questions, you need to make a neat list of answers, as these are the type of questions that will be asked by a marriage counselor. The success or failure of your marriage counseling depends entirely on the answers that are provided by you. Does marriage counseling work? Possibly Yes, Only, if you provide complete answers to all these probing questions. If you have answered in a negative to all the above questions, then you’re at a higher risk for divorce than those couples who have meaningful expectations of one another. So, you may need to rush to the nearest marriage counselor.

Does marriage counseling work? Though many experts still believe that marriage counseling is not as effective and result oriented as people think, it is estimated that more number of women have benefited from this exercise. However, experts also believe that marriage counseling does not work on a permanent basis. There is a solace however; if you seek help before the problems become worse and acute, you have good chances of saving your marriage. Marriage counseling is useful to those couples who are young and are still in love. It also works well on those couples, who are open to therapy and suggestions. Does marriage counseling work? The answer is still uncertain, with many unknowns and imponderables coming in the way of a mutually agreeable settlement

Please visit my website www.maryshawe.com to browse the resources I have gathered here for you and learn how they hold the secrets to turn your life around.If you’re particularly interested in marriage advice and counseling, then please click here to read more about “Secrets of Successful Marriage

I also recommend Save My Marriage Today! by Amy Waterman for additional help and guidance.

Mary Shawe is the author of several books on marriage and relationships. Please visit her website to learn more.
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How to Save your Marriage

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

How to save a marriage? Is it possible to save a marriage, that is down in the dumps and on its last legs? The answer to this question is little bit tricky and unconvincing. In many cases, it will be extremely difficult to save a marriage that is deeply in trouble. However, you can save your marriage, if the problem is quite new and recent. How to save your marriage is also a question that needs to be answered little carefully, as you’ll be dealing with two incompatible minds that are at severe conflicts.
How to save a marriage? There are several methods and procedures using which you can attempt to save and revive a dying marriage. These methods could be classified into two broad categories: one that deals directly with each other, while the other that is handled by a professional marriage counselor. As a couple, both of you know each other pretty well, considering you will have been living together for some time. Both of you know each other’s personalities, weakness and strengths. It is also possible that the present problem is due to some silly and trivial reasons. You can try mend fences by simply communicating with each other. Here are some other tips to save your marriage on your own:
 If the problem is due to conflict of opinions and interests, then you can sit down and talk to each other to sort out differences. It is always possible to listen to each other’s problems and apprehensions; but to sit down and talk, you need to forego those egoistic tendencies and selfishness. How to save a marriage is a question that is related to personal prejudices and ego trips.
 Do you have time to spend together? Many marital problems occur as a result of couples not finding time for each other. Boredom and isolation are the two potential enemies of married life. You’ll need to ensure that you find enough private time to hold each other and talk over the marriage in detail,
 How to save your marriage in times of crises? If the crisis reaches a flash point, it is quite difficult to find a long lasting solution. Nevertheless, you can try and find a solution by agreeing to sit down together with your close friend or family member to talk over the pending problems.
 If the problem is quite new, both of you can still patch up the differences by taking a long vacation to some remote place, where you can forget the past events.
 How to save a marriage? It is possible to save marriage by not letting the factors of jealousy becoming a hindrance to your married life. Many couples have a tendency to develop jealousy with each other, which may be anything in nature, like a pay hike for the spouse or a career promotion for the other.
 Never ever, commit adultery or fall a prey to illicit relationship with others. Unfaithfulness seems to be the major cause for a majority of divorces in the world. Try and avoid such mistakes and be faithful to your spouse.
Marriage is like a miracle tonic that can create a permanent bondage between you and your spouse. But, this bondage is possible only, if you are committed and faithful to each other, both in personal and professional life. A stable marriage is permanent! When the problems pile up and disappointments creep into your marriage, you’ll start asking someone this tricky question- how to save my marriage?
Please visit my website www.maryshawe.com to browse the resources I have gathered here for you and learn how they hold the secrets to turn your life around.If you’re particularly interested in marriage advice and counseling, then please click here to read more about “Secrets of Successful Marriage

Mary Shawe is the author of several books on marriage and relationships. Please visit her website to learn more.
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